


How to miss what you don't remember

by sistabro



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Amnesia, Amulet Fic, Episode s05e16 Dark Side of the Moon, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-24
Updated: 2010-08-24
Packaged: 2017-10-11 05:51:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/109107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sistabro/pseuds/sistabro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They're old hands at finding ways to replace what life steals from them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to miss what you don't remember

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: [Gen. Dean gets amnesia (the kind where he loses several years of memory, not the kind where he forgets who he is)](http://community.livejournal.com/hoodie_time/191293.html?thread=1290301#t1290301) from [hoodie_time](http://community.livejournal.com/hoodie_time)'s Dean-focused hurt/comfort comment-fic meme found [here.](http://community.livejournal.com/hoodie_time/191293.html)
> 
> Unbetad, terribly titled (it was 2am, what can I say), and probably not the story most people would expect, but it's commentfic, so it's all good.

Sometime after the whole apocalypse that wasn't, Dean takes a gravestone to the head in a really not at all good way. Like hospital and brain surgery and Sam having a break down in the Impala after Dean's third week in a coma not good.

Not too long after Sam's snot fest in the car, Dean wakes up. Which is great and all, except life ain't no fucking soap opera, and the first couple of weeks suck donkey balls. Dean's got dead spots in his head and it takes a bit of doing for his brain to learn to work around them. Eventually though, after epic amounts of swearing and frustration and, to hear Sam tell it, crankiness, Dean walks out of there under his own steam with a touch of aphasia to show for his trouble.

Given the givens, they more or less chalk it up as a win, learn to adapt, and move on. They're Winchesters, it's what they do.

It isn't until later that they figure out some speech fluency isn't the only thing Dean lost.

It's stupidly random how they find out. Sam throws Dean the journal to look something up, Dean fumbles the catch, and all the lose bits and pieces tucked between the pages fall everywhere. So Dean's on his hands and knees, trying not to think about all the shit probably living in the fugly carpet, and the first thing he picks up is a photo with "The Winchesters. John, Mary, Dean, and Little Sammy" written on the back. When he turns it over, the only person he recognizes is his dad.

Now Dean may be brain damaged, but he isn't stupid. The two kids are obviously him and Sam and even though the hot blond is totally unfamiliar, it's a no brainer that she's his mom. Dean's just pretty sure that he shouldn't need to crib off the back of the photo to figure that out.

It's weird enough that Dean mentions it to Sam. He wishes pretty much immediately he hadn't because Sam freaks the fuck out. They spend the rest of the night poking at Dean's memories, the endangered residents of Bum Fuck Wherever completely forgotten, and it's almost dawn before Dean puts a stop to it by walking out to go buy breakfast.

Turns out Dean's forgotten nearly everything from before the age of thirteen. Oddly enough, Sam's the one that takes it the hardest, sentimental pussy that he is. Not that Dean is thrilled, but, well, it's hard to miss what you don't remember and it's not like the time he's lost is particularly relevant anymore. So Dean does what he normally does with all the extraneous bad shit that pops up in their lives: ignores it until he forgets about it.

It's starting to work, too, until he catches Sam crying over his old amulet a couple days later. Dean may have forgotten a lot of shit, but that whole debacle he totally remembers. And while they haven't ever really talked about it, because why the fuck would they want to drag all that up again, Dean's nearly positive that Sam knows he doesn't feel that way anymore. They're actually pretty solid these days. So the crying jag is a little baffling.

Dean briefly considers making a grand gesture, revealing himself to Sam, snatching the amulet and putting it on. Except, after a bit of thought, he realizes he's not really sure what exactly that gesture would signify, because he doesn't remember how he came to have the amulet, only that it's somehow important, that he's worn it for as long as he can remember, and that throwing it away was the cruelest thing he's ever done to his brother.

And, well, Dean may be brain damaged, but he's not stupid. Maybe those missing years might be a little more relevant than he first thought.

Things being what they are, the amulet means more to Sam now than it ever can to Dean. It seems kinda dumb to take it back at this point. So instead, Dean heads to the bar to let his brother grieve in private and to do a little grieving of his own.

A couple months later, Sam deliberately puts the damn thing on right where Dean is sure to see, cause Dean's not the only one who can make a grand gesture. Sam then spends the next few weeks gushing out everything he can remember to fill in all the stuff Dean can't.

It ain't perfect, but it works. They're old hands at finding ways to replace what life steals from them. And maybe Dean's old memories are lost forever, but that doesn't mean the new ones he makes listening to Sam tell their story aren't just as good, if not better. It's not like Dean will ever know the difference.


End file.
